Thursday, 5 September 2013

On love and life

I consider myself lucky for having found the guy I will be marrying next month. It all started like so. He appeared on the horizon at a perfect time- after many unsuccessful dating experiences I was losing my mind and faith in men. He was everything I was NOT looking for at the time when we met. Or shall I say, he wasn’t a typical guy I would fall for at the time- he wasn’t charming or romantic, he didn’t knock me off my feet with a poem or a bouquet of roses, he wasn’t buffed, cocky and pretentious - instead he was REAL. He knew what he wanted. Casual flings were beneath his dignity- he wanted a solid union or nothing at all. It was refreshing to see a man being so blunt and confident in his views and values. He earned my respect from day one. Love followed shortly after. After our first date it hit me that when it came to choosing men, I was blind and now I could see. This is the story I will be telling my kids:).

Before meeting my husband to be, I was single for some time and I can tell you it is not easy to find a decent person these days. Yes, there are clubs, bars, workplaces, community events, weddings and dating sites BUT to meet somebody who would not only spark your attention but be able to hold a conversation AND was still single, was a job in itself.

Looking at my single friends, it seems like the majority of men are embracing their flying solo act and are more content; whereas, women tend to worry and complain about their status. I often hear a question: “Why can’t I find the man of my dream?” Well ladies it looks like the majority of us don’t really know what we want when it comes to men. We say we want a generous, devoted, honest, good-looking, tall (the list goes on) man. Actually, we can just call him a “nice guy”. In reality though, we fall for a complete opposite: charming, sneaky, self-centered, sketchy individual who will most likely has unsteady income and will borrow money from us at one point. When we meet such men most of us melt faster than an ice-cream, our hearts race and there is no turning back- we are trapped. I have been in a situation like this myself- more than once and I can assure you it feels good in the beginning- and why wouldn’t it? He is a smooth talker, knows when to throw a compliment or two and has a natural ability to get what he wants from women. Next thing you know though, he doesn’t answer your calls, makes silly excuses for not getting together or simply disappears. You feel stupid, betrayed, stripped of your confidence and vow to either refrain from dating altogether or continue your search in a quest of a “nice guy”.  Meanwhile, there are guys who quietly watch us, women, make these mistakes and offer support and shoulder to cry on. They are dependable and listen to us when we need to vent. Most likely they are in love with us. We call them “friends”.  They will probably get stuck in this category for a while. The main reason for it is attraction or lack of thereof. It is unfortunate but it is reality. I myself have met a ton of great guys who were treating me like a queen but who never made the cut. Harsh reality of life I suppose.

Now what about men? I have spoken to some guys who truly want a relationship not a casual fling and they tell me that often times they are rejected for being “too nice”. Well, here we have it. Us, women look for a “nice guy” to only reject him for being a tad “too nice”. It’s not a secret though that there is something else hiding behind this phrase, something that women will never (or rarely) tell a guy in the face- it’s simply a lack of attraction. It goes both ways- I have been told by a guy “Let’s stay friends” a few times too, to only wonder, why or what is wrong with me?

The good thing is-eventually,the majority of us will couple up and have a good laugh looking back at past dating experiences. I can just say that I am happy that “searching” phase of my life is over and I can look back at my experiences and ask myself with a smile “What was I thinking?”:) 

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